Things That Make Ya Go Hmmm

by Administrator on Jun.04, 2009, under WIP

Here are a few things that just seem to be true:

I had a friend who used to eat a lot of natural foods until I reminded her that most people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out”?

Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there? I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its bottom”?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It doesn’t give a rat’s patoot to people’s criticism.

And finally…
The husband of a dear friend of mine bought a mood ring for her. She showed it to me at a cookout we had last Friday.
“I’m having a wonderful time tonight!” We looked at her ring…just to see if it really worked. “Hey, it’s green.”
“Isn’t that cool?” I said to my hubby when he came over to see it. “If I had one, you’d always know what my mood was.”
“Not a bad idea,” he said.

Two weeks later, we invited our friends over to play cards. When they arrived I noticed a honking bruise on the husband’s forehead.
“What happened?” I asked my friend.
She held up her hand and I immediately realized the size of the bruise matched the size of the mood ring still on her hand.
“The damned thing turned black,” her husband said.
The next night my hubby came home with a dozen roses and a gorgeous diamond ring. What can I say? He knows how to keep me happy!